My kids may never play the banjo. In truth, there are a lot of things in life that they may never do, and I'm okay with that. It can be easy for parents/caregivers to get caught up in wanting to expose children to more opportunities, more activities, etc. Parents sign them up for lessons and extra-curricular activities and try to coordinate schedules, so everyone gets where they need to be. Parents may feel compelled culturally or socially to ensure their children don't miss out or fall behind.

Once, when my children were toddlers, I was trying to get both them and my husband out the door, so we weren't late for our parent and baby swimming lesson. In the midst of the chaos, it hit me. My efforts to hurry everyone up had me creating this tornado around me and yet nothing was moving any faster because of it. On the contrary, my stress was making it harder for all of us. I had to ask myself if the swimming lessons were truly worth the chaos and stress leading up to getting us all there on time. Structured activities can be incredibly valuable, but constant busyness and over-scheduling (hello mom taxi!) come at a premium cost of losing out on the space between.

We underestimate the power of the space between. As a child psychologist and parent coach, one of my main goals is to help both parents and children create the space between a situation (a stimulus) and a reaction (a response) to allow room to breathe, slow down their reactions, and gain mastery over their emotions.

In therapy, we often talk about holding space. We hold space by being physically and emotionally present for someone and listening without judgement.

When we don't allow enough space between in our lives – space between school and home, space between activities/homework/meals – the impact is clear: Caregivers and children become more stressed. Children lose out on necessary unstructured downtime, and there is little time for deep connection. They may be more tired, irritable, or anxious.

Families may notice the impact before they notice the cause. Meeting families with curiosity about how they spend their time and the impact it may be having is a gentle entrée into reducing schedules and mindfully increasing space. I often encourage families to cut their schedules in half! It seems like a radical, if not almost impossible, shift for most families, but the tremendous result it yields likely wouldn't be possible with any other intervention.

Here are some ways to support families in minimizing their schedules and holding space:

• Encourage a family discussion about values and whether time and money are being spent in alignment with those values.
• Support a family in deciding on a certain number of scheduled activities in a week.
• Help families identify what activities to prioritize and what activities can wait for another season.
• Encourage families to experiment with replacing some of those extra-curricular activities with family rituals, such as playing board games, going on family bike rides, or cooking together.
• Support families in learning to set boundaries that work for their family, such as no playdates before 10 a.m., or no scheduled activities on Saturdays – whatever fits with a family's natural rhythm.

There is a lot of value for children in developing passions and pursuing interests, particularly when they learn how to stick with hard things and master them over time. Being intentional with time means having the space to grow from those experiences. Cutting schedules isn't simply about reducing a child's schedule. If a caregiver reduces their child's schedule but not their own, the child may end up filling that time with screens or creating other challenges.

This approach is a family approach. It's about finding that space in between where connection grows, creativity blooms, and laughter keeps us coming back for more.